Small business. Really small.

Dearest Tacoma consumers,

I used to think small business owners were motivated by the need for creative freedom in their professions, the desire for independence, or the frustrations with management working for other companies…

The older I get, the more I become certain that most small business entrepreneurs in Tacoma are under-educated, lazy, and too incompetent to hold post at any decent jobs working for someone else. I’ve established a translation key that might help you understand these people better. On the left, you’ll find the word people might think of when describing a small business entrepreneur near them. On the right, my translation, stating what’s often at work instead. Ready? Okay.

Creative ———-> Odd
Independent ———-> Not accountable to anyone for anything
Risk taker ———-> Lacking other sound options
Driven to succeed ———-> In need of a paycheck
Good Business Person ———-> Manages to stay self-employed
Different ———-> Kinda fucked up

Now that you’ve seen the wizard behind the curtain, let’s go for an example. Nick -N- Willy’s Pizza in the Proctor District was full of incompetency, top to bottom. How did they get a franchise up and running without any training on how to make pizzas, how to use the cash register, or how to deal with customers? It’s people like this that bring down the low success rate for small businesses in this region.

When done right, small business can be terrific. But there’s NO FREE LUNCH.

Nick -n- Willy’s Pizza

NICK -N- WILLY’S PIZZA
2602 North Proctor
Tacoma, WA
(253) 444-3060

The anticipation was killing me. The time was finally here to make my inaugural voyage to Nick -N- Willy’s Pizza. In all ways, I was ready.Too bad Nick -N- Willy’s was not. I won’t get into the details at this time, as this was merely their 3rd day in bidness. Everything that could go wrong went wrong tonight.

I will return in the not-so-distant future for a mulligan visit. The gloves will be off, and I will check my politically correct at the door. I’m expecting perfect next time. Anything less would be uncivilized.

Now open at the corner of 26th & Proctor, Nick-n-Willy’s offers take & bake AND cooked pizzas, salads, and dessert items. Notable pizza ingredients: Pesto w/ pine nuts sauce, feta, seasoned beef, fresh spinach, mandarin oranges, fresh chopped cilantro, smoked bacon andmany others. Family size signature pizzas go for $16.99 and personal pizzas are $5.99. Please give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Dowatchalike?

Clear Channel owed Tacoma $25,519,088.11
Clear Channel can now do whatever they want in my book. They should take their time, drag their feet, play grabass, etc. Why not, Tacoma? The more retarded they are in responding to the new rules, the more their bill goes up. As long as somebody holds them to paying the bill, I say they may just be one of 2007’s MVP’s in the area of charitable donations to the City of Tacoma. They should change their logo to resemble Santa Claus if this continues. I never thought they would have been so generous. What a wonderful company!

What a way to start!

Nobody really knew what to expect before the Washington Huskies got their season underway in Syracuse, New York against the Orangemen at the Carrier Dome. The novelty of being terrible has disappeared and Husky fans have long been ready to get things going in the other direction. It appears we have turned the corner after a 42-12 horsewhipping, yet I remain cautiously optimistic. Washington should be very happy with the win, but the schedule will prove increasingly more difficult as the season rolls along.

A college football expert picked Syracuse to beat the favored Huskies on KJR-AM on Friday morning, which did not sit well with a lot of listeners. He had me believing that another disappointment could be knocking at my front door. By halftime, I forgot about this guy and started believing in my new favorite college football player, Jake Locker of Ferndale, Washington. He’s easy to believe in. What he pulled off on the field was almost unbelievable.

This Tacoma resident says keep an eye on Jake Locker and the Washington Huskies this year. They could really shock the experts who picked them to finish 9th in the Pac-10. I’ll take the under.

Preference, profit or prudence?

Starbucks is changing from whole milk to 2%. If you don’t specify a type of milk, you will be given 2%. Baristas beware: you are going to be making a lot of drinks twice for awhile.

How many businesses explode with popularity and then change the very foundation of ALL their successful products? I suppose you could argue that the trans-fat thing went down a similar path, but I don’t think people flock(ed) to McDonald’s specifically for trans-fat. I go to Starbuck’s for whole milk and will continue to do so – only difference is that I’ll have to add 3 words to my previously simple order. I used to pride myself on the simplicity of my 2- or 3-word coffee order (depending on current Tacoma weather) but now that’s all gone.

Suddenly the high-maintenance sap in front of me has a drink order that is technically no more complex than mine. This pisses me off. For more reasons than I’ll list here. One of my favorite baristas knows me well and she broke it down for me yesterday. Supposedly Starbucks execs (including the same idiot who sold our Seattle Sonics to a jackass from Oklahoma, paving the way for them to leave our state) compiled market research and determined that since people buy more 2% at the grocery store than whole milk, that must be what they want in their coffee.

While the whole milk is a major draw for me, many of you that pile whipped cream, sugar, sugar and more sugar into your coffee () may not even notice a difference! And those of us who prefer whole will begin specifying this ingredient. Before long, we’ll forget about this change. The biggest difference may actually exist in the estimated $0.05/gallon savings Starbucks will enjoy on their balance sheet under the “milk expense” heading. Why is whole milk more expensive than 2%? And how do they get the fat out of milk?

It’s really too bad. Starbucks really makes a nice cup of bean, their shops provide an oasis of peace, even if only for 5 minutes in a busy work day, and their food is increasingly tasty as time goes by. Why do I think of Starbucks in a worse light than Wal-Mart? Maybe it’s because Starbucks’ leadership has its collective head crammed miles into its anal cavity? Yeah, that must be it.

I began avoiding Starbucks once it looked like the Sonics would be leaving Seattle. Now this. It looks like, whenever possible, I will opt for any other espresso provider I can find in Tacoma in favor of the inept “Baby Huey” of the coffee world. While they focus on taking over the rural world of the midwest, I’d love it if they began losing their grip on urban America (even if only slightly).

Go Sonics! And whole milk.