Forza breakfast sandwich from Pacific Grill

Forza has emerged from the depths of coffee anonymity with me. They have done exactly two things to win me over from a non-loyal, post-Starbuck’s, nomadic wandering.

First, they offered 24oz. drinks. Thank god. Often 20oz. is not enough.

Second, they began serving grilled breakfast sandwiches prepared by Pacific Grill. These are the very best breakfast sandwiches in Tacoma, and nothing else comes close.

Ordered together, they become a satiating force of apocalyptic proportion.

New Mandolin Cafe kitchen open NOW

Without further ado, you are welcome to stop in for a meal at the Mandolin Cafe. They have done what few others have – the simple, the obvious, the lacking-in-Tacoma – free wi-fi, big tables, good coffee AND GOOD FOOD. Why is it so hard for restaurateurs to figure this one out?

Hopefully, Mandolin Cafe and The Spar will continue to lead the way toward a new kind of restaurant. Classic dining is a dying concept, in my often humble opinion. Who wants to sit idle in a restaurant while you wait to order, wait for your food, wait for your check, wait, wait, wait…  Can’t stand it. Give me laptop or give me death!

Now if we could just get an authentic bagel shop with wi-fi in Tacoma proper..

Seattle Sonics, Ray Allen, Howard Schultz (in that order)

Today, The Oklah.. errr.. Seattle Sonics’ attorney ripped a sports economist hired by the City of Seattle a new one in court, Ray Allen got himself a championship ring with the Boston Celtics, and Howard Schultz is still a pathetic piss-ant.

What is going to happen with the Sonics? The city of Seattle wanted to demonstrate to the court that the Sonics’ economic impact on the region is immeasurable, and that they should be required to fulfill the final 2 years of their lease with Key Arena. I would sure like to see that happen, even though people don’t seem to believe in contracts any longer in the sports world. The fear in Seattle is that the new dipshit in charge of the Sonics (Clay Bennett) will find a way to buy out their end of the contract and scram as early as next season, back to Oklahoma City where the current ownership group has wanted to move them from the beginning. In a story lacking anything positive for residents of this region, we did have a note of comic relief today. The nu Sonics attempted to discredit an expert testifying for the city that they had previously attempted to hire for their side of the argument. I guess that’s how they roll in Oklahoma – if you can’t buy em, slander em! Yee-haw!

Ray Allen was traded out of Seattle last offseason because he didn’t fit their plan to disengage the fan base, ultimately making the team easier to move. You will remember the Mariners and the Seahawks almost left Seattle in the past 20 years, but the fans and/or local government stepped up to keep them here. Clay Bennett and company knew better than to let the same sentiment capture their new team. So they began slicing off piece after piece, reducing the team to a bunch of people we don’t even know. The master plan of deception started with the release of David Locke, Rashard Lewis and Ray Allen and finished with a couple new rookies courtesy of high draft picks, as well as a stodgy coach from the east coast. These “strangers” were then kept away from local sports TV and radio stations, so as to maintain the severe disconnect in the local area over the course of the past season. You want to know how the hell a fuckstick group like this got ahold of our team anyway?

That’s where Howard Schultz comes in. Aside from trying to sink his first love, Starbucks, he is solely responsible for the Sonics’ current situation. Out of nowhere, he appeared to rush the sale to a group known around the league for wanting to bring a team to Oklahoma City. To make matters worse, they exchanged public handjobs with the commissioner of the NBA, who miraculously offered ZERO support for keeping the team in Seattle, their current home of over 40 years. That’s great branding, everyone. Nate McMillan, aka Mr. Sonic, must have seen some serious writing on the wall when he left town a couple years ago to coach in Portland. We were all shocked at the time, and Nate was too classy to give us the real reason for his early departure: Howard Schultz.

You can change your coffee logo to look like a brown Rohrshach inkblot, discontinue your immensely successful line of breakfast sandwiches, and even switch your default milk from whole to 2%. It’s easy for me to switch to Tully’s. Howard, when you fuck with the Sonics, you really piss people off. I believe you deserve every ounce of public ridicule and verbal abuse you endure when visiting your [once] hometown. Cheers to your new summer home in Oklahoma City, asshole.

Almost forgot.. congratulations to Ray Allen and happy birthday to me!

Do you take sex with your coffee?

So it’s been awhile since local coffee bars around Tacoma introduced scantily clad baristas into their workforce, and we still aren’t hearing much about regulation on this sort of thing. I guess this has a lot to do with the fact that the trend has slowed recently, rather than the opposite which I had expected. It seemed every non-Starbucks coffee drive-thru was going bikini there for a minute, but that trend looks to be on hold.

Especially given the current, poor economic situation, businesses are trying anything to get your nickel, and half-nakedness is just one of many strategies being deployed. Although I haven’t seen half-naked grocery clerks just yet, I still worry that it won’t be long. Tight Cuts has taken this concept and run with it, providing haircuts with a sexual theme for a premium price. At least they charge that premium.

The coffee stands that bundle sex with their product at no extra charge are really operating unfairly, IMO. What is going to stop every struggling small business in town from putting half-naked people at the cash register in hopes of scrounging up a few extra pennies and staying afloat? Think about half-naked plumbers.. smutty door-to-door salespeople.. decadent doctors?!

Is this really the path down which we are heading? If not, what is going to stop all this nonsense?

Preference, profit or prudence?

Starbucks is changing from whole milk to 2%. If you don’t specify a type of milk, you will be given 2%. Baristas beware: you are going to be making a lot of drinks twice for awhile.

How many businesses explode with popularity and then change the very foundation of ALL their successful products? I suppose you could argue that the trans-fat thing went down a similar path, but I don’t think people flock(ed) to McDonald’s specifically for trans-fat. I go to Starbuck’s for whole milk and will continue to do so – only difference is that I’ll have to add 3 words to my previously simple order. I used to pride myself on the simplicity of my 2- or 3-word coffee order (depending on current Tacoma weather) but now that’s all gone.

Suddenly the high-maintenance sap in front of me has a drink order that is technically no more complex than mine. This pisses me off. For more reasons than I’ll list here. One of my favorite baristas knows me well and she broke it down for me yesterday. Supposedly Starbucks execs (including the same idiot who sold our Seattle Sonics to a jackass from Oklahoma, paving the way for them to leave our state) compiled market research and determined that since people buy more 2% at the grocery store than whole milk, that must be what they want in their coffee.

While the whole milk is a major draw for me, many of you that pile whipped cream, sugar, sugar and more sugar into your coffee () may not even notice a difference! And those of us who prefer whole will begin specifying this ingredient. Before long, we’ll forget about this change. The biggest difference may actually exist in the estimated $0.05/gallon savings Starbucks will enjoy on their balance sheet under the “milk expense” heading. Why is whole milk more expensive than 2%? And how do they get the fat out of milk?

It’s really too bad. Starbucks really makes a nice cup of bean, their shops provide an oasis of peace, even if only for 5 minutes in a busy work day, and their food is increasingly tasty as time goes by. Why do I think of Starbucks in a worse light than Wal-Mart? Maybe it’s because Starbucks’ leadership has its collective head crammed miles into its anal cavity? Yeah, that must be it.

I began avoiding Starbucks once it looked like the Sonics would be leaving Seattle. Now this. It looks like, whenever possible, I will opt for any other espresso provider I can find in Tacoma in favor of the inept “Baby Huey” of the coffee world. While they focus on taking over the rural world of the midwest, I’d love it if they began losing their grip on urban America (even if only slightly).

Go Sonics! And whole milk.