Block party!

My neighborhood, as I’ve mentioned plenty of times before, is perhaps the greatest ever. Really. I live in North Tacoma, and I enjoy what seems to be the greatest community in existence. As you would expect from any top-shelf neighborhood, we are having our block party this evening. After all, it is the official “Night Out” day where you are supposed to get out and rub elbows with the people near you. Familiarizing yourself with the people living nearby just may come in handy if a big earthquake, power outage, flood, or something like Red Dawn should occur.

Everyone from blocks around heads out into the middle of the street (we close it down with big signs and everything) and we fire up a couple bbq’s, set up dessert and condiment tables, tables and chairs for eating, a guestbook… you know, everything. If you aren’t doing this in your neighborhood, start organizing it now for next year. You’ll be surprised how little effort it takes when several people work together. There is a donation box at our gathering where people drop a couple bucks in to pay for the Costco supplies. It only cost about $120 for all the burgers, dogs, buns, chips and plates we need to feed about 100 people. Based on the first letter of their last names, participating neighbors bring either sides/salads or desserts, and suddenly you have a full-on spread capable of feeding an army.

We have a preliminary planning meeting months before the big day to make sure everybody’s still on the same page, and to gather new ideas for fun and entertainment after all the food has been consumed. We have tried things like bingo, group kazoo performances, sidewalk chalk, homemade putt-putt golf holes.. We’ve even been graced by local firemen and their trucks, neighborhood unicycles, music groups.. the list goes on and on.

The big picture or overall goal is to reduce crime by strengthening the community fabric in every corner of the city. While this is great, I prefer to focus on meeting new neighbors and re-acquainting myself with neighbors I already know but don’t see much during the “dark” months. This reminds me: name tags! Crucial! It’s outstanding not to have to play the “I forgot your name” game. Splat your name tag proudly on your chest and make sure you write in big letters. You’ll be seeing the theme song to Cheers! in no time flat.

Seattle Sonics, Ray Allen, Howard Schultz (in that order)

Today, The Oklah.. errr.. Seattle Sonics’ attorney ripped a sports economist hired by the City of Seattle a new one in court, Ray Allen got himself a championship ring with the Boston Celtics, and Howard Schultz is still a pathetic piss-ant.

What is going to happen with the Sonics? The city of Seattle wanted to demonstrate to the court that the Sonics’ economic impact on the region is immeasurable, and that they should be required to fulfill the final 2 years of their lease with Key Arena. I would sure like to see that happen, even though people don’t seem to believe in contracts any longer in the sports world. The fear in Seattle is that the new dipshit in charge of the Sonics (Clay Bennett) will find a way to buy out their end of the contract and scram as early as next season, back to Oklahoma City where the current ownership group has wanted to move them from the beginning. In a story lacking anything positive for residents of this region, we did have a note of comic relief today. The nu Sonics attempted to discredit an expert testifying for the city that they had previously attempted to hire for their side of the argument. I guess that’s how they roll in Oklahoma – if you can’t buy em, slander em! Yee-haw!

Ray Allen was traded out of Seattle last offseason because he didn’t fit their plan to disengage the fan base, ultimately making the team easier to move. You will remember the Mariners and the Seahawks almost left Seattle in the past 20 years, but the fans and/or local government stepped up to keep them here. Clay Bennett and company knew better than to let the same sentiment capture their new team. So they began slicing off piece after piece, reducing the team to a bunch of people we don’t even know. The master plan of deception started with the release of David Locke, Rashard Lewis and Ray Allen and finished with a couple new rookies courtesy of high draft picks, as well as a stodgy coach from the east coast. These “strangers” were then kept away from local sports TV and radio stations, so as to maintain the severe disconnect in the local area over the course of the past season. You want to know how the hell a fuckstick group like this got ahold of our team anyway?

That’s where Howard Schultz comes in. Aside from trying to sink his first love, Starbucks, he is solely responsible for the Sonics’ current situation. Out of nowhere, he appeared to rush the sale to a group known around the league for wanting to bring a team to Oklahoma City. To make matters worse, they exchanged public handjobs with the commissioner of the NBA, who miraculously offered ZERO support for keeping the team in Seattle, their current home of over 40 years. That’s great branding, everyone. Nate McMillan, aka Mr. Sonic, must have seen some serious writing on the wall when he left town a couple years ago to coach in Portland. We were all shocked at the time, and Nate was too classy to give us the real reason for his early departure: Howard Schultz.

You can change your coffee logo to look like a brown Rohrshach inkblot, discontinue your immensely successful line of breakfast sandwiches, and even switch your default milk from whole to 2%. It’s easy for me to switch to Tully’s. Howard, when you fuck with the Sonics, you really piss people off. I believe you deserve every ounce of public ridicule and verbal abuse you endure when visiting your [once] hometown. Cheers to your new summer home in Oklahoma City, asshole.

Almost forgot.. congratulations to Ray Allen and happy birthday to me!

Red light cameras in Tacoma, part II

Things have gone completely downhill since we last visited the topic of Tacoma’s shiny, new red light cameras. More of these little buggers are popping up all the time. Kamerakrieg is well underway around town and I’m much more pissed off than before. The dipshits over at traffic central are rumored to be enjoying the view from inside each other’s asses; meanwhile red light camera revenue is piling up at a huge cost to local taxpayers.

Timing these intersection cameras with the downturn in the economy, outrageous gas prices, the sinking dollar, real estate crisis and stagnant wages appears evil and calculated at first glance. Alas, I will have the politicians’ back on this one. It was not entirely evil calculation that got us to this point. It couldn’t possibly have been planned this way because they are too inept over there to be directly responsible for such accurate timing.

What can you do to help fight the war on red light cameras? I would like to recommend that you avoid these camera-enforced intersections at all cost to avoid contributing to this diabolical revenue stream (not to mention sitting through green lights while waiting to turn left, for fear of being fined $100).

Don’t we realize this is just the first step toward infinite public surveillance? Is that where we want to be in 10 years? I sort of like the idea of not being on camera everyfuckingwhere I go. Who’s with me?

Wednesday on the water

Wednesday is upon us. The weeks are flying by, and summer is almost underway. You’re going to blink and suddenly it will be fall. You bitch about the weather all year long and even question why you live here at times. Summer is your season. It’s time for you to get off your ass and DO SOMETHING. Yes, YOU.

Around here, Wednesday means taking a couple kayaks down to Ruston Way, dropping into Commencement Bay, cracking a cheap beer and casually paddling around behind Harbor Lights while the sailboat race plays out. The degree of inner peace you will experience is staggering. Just 50 feet from shore lies your Zen zone Your phone should stay home or in the car. Did I mention the beer?

Not 30 seconds after you set adrift, you will be untouchable. Nobody can bother you, and this, you’ll realize, is just what the doctor orders, week in and week out. No traffic, no text messages, no jerks, no sibling rivalry, no parental guidance, no responsibility (especially if you wear a life jacket).

The growing sentiment appears to be that many people do not have boats at their disposal. Relax. We can fix that. You can either step up for a really nice kayak from NC Kayaks, or Backpackers Supply (not worth linking their awful website – although, the retail outlet does have a great selection of high-end kayaks), or you can find more affordable options at places like Sports Authority or Joe’s Sporting Goods.

I looked into kayak rentals for you as well. Backpackers Supply seems to be your best bet. Rates are $40/day, $85/weekend or $175/week. Ruston Recreational Kayak Rentals can be a good option for some of you, but their boats are primarily for launching at Owen Beach on Point Defiance, and they close at 6pm. While this is a fine place to paddle, it doesn’t help much with Wednesdays on the Water, because the sailboat races across from Ruston don’t start until 7 and we don’t usually get going until after 6.

See you tonight. Need a boat? Check these places:

REI
3825 S Steele St
Tacoma, WA 98409
(253) 671-1938		 NC KAYAKS
2911 S Chandler St
Tacoma, WA
(253) 476-8582		 SPORTS AUTHORITY
1905 S 72nd St
Tacoma, WA
(253) 572-9900

Floater plays Tacoma on June 21st

FLOATER! FLOATER! FLOATER!

The summer solstice party to end all summer solstice parties is almost upon us. June 21st, 2008, Hell’s Kitchen, Tacoma, Washington. Floater. I’m so flippin excited I just might have to change my pants.

Eugene/Portland’s finest trio is on the road again. They’ve been playing a lot of shows, releasing digital acoustic albums, collaborating on side projects and continuing to improve. It’s gross, really.

Call it coincidence that my birthday happens to be 4 days prior to the show. I would like to thank the band in advance for my belated birthday gift. Don’t even worry about getting me a card. Playing right down the street is plenty.

To hear samples and buy CD’s, visit Floater’s official website. To get involved with other Floater fans, try Exiled.