As if the new red light cameras in town weren’t a big enough joke, our lawmakers have made themselves look even more pathetic than once believed possible.

It’s finally here — the subjective law to end all subjective laws.

Apparently screaming at your children in the backseat, masturbating, smoking, changing CD’s, picking your nose, applying lipstick, spilling a hot latte in your lap, flipping the bird, needlessly honking your horn, scarfing cheeseburgers and fries, reading a book, singing along to 93.3, operating on less than an hour of sleep, playing air guitar, scanning radio stations, fighting with your better half, writing your next blog entry, cleaning spit off the inside of your windshield, gazing into the rearview mirror at yourself, reaching for the loose change under your seat, cleaning out your glove box, banging your head to Hannah Montana’s latest tracks, talking on a cell phone with a wireless headset and thinking of new ways to be rad are some of the things that are perfectly legal to do while driving.

I am not a frequent text messager. I am a cell phone driver. I do not own any stock in any tech, automotive, donut or traffic ticket paper making companies. That being said, people should either be able to do anything they wish or nothing at all while driving, and the latter seems a bit Fahrenheit 451 for this writer. If you want to be guaranteed safety, stay off the roads entirely. While I certainly don’t feel that text messaging while driving is a good idea, I’ve been unsuccessful in trying to convince myself that this law makes sense. On the contrary, I have moved from casual support to stout opposition in 3 days flat.

Somebody please try to convince me otherwise. I’m in the mood for a good debate. In the meantime, I’ll be the guy avidly plucking my nosehairs in traffic…That is, if I’m not busy slamming on my brakes at poorly timed yellow lights that I used to run habitually.