New Text Messaging Law: Legislative Projectile Vomit

As if the new red light cameras in town weren’t a big enough joke, our lawmakers have made themselves look even more pathetic than once believed possible.

It’s finally here — the subjective law to end all subjective laws.

Apparently screaming at your children in the backseat, masturbating, smoking, changing CD’s, picking your nose, applying lipstick, spilling a hot latte in your lap, flipping the bird, needlessly honking your horn, scarfing cheeseburgers and fries, reading a book, singing along to 93.3, operating on less than an hour of sleep, playing air guitar, scanning radio stations, fighting with your better half, writing your next blog entry, cleaning spit off the inside of your windshield, gazing into the rearview mirror at yourself, reaching for the loose change under your seat, cleaning out your glove box, banging your head to Hannah Montana’s latest tracks, talking on a cell phone with a wireless headset and thinking of new ways to be rad are some of the things that are perfectly legal to do while driving.

I am not a frequent text messager. I am a cell phone driver. I do not own any stock in any tech, automotive, donut or traffic ticket paper making companies. That being said, people should either be able to do anything they wish or nothing at all while driving, and the latter seems a bit Fahrenheit 451 for this writer. If you want to be guaranteed safety, stay off the roads entirely. While I certainly don’t feel that text messaging while driving is a good idea, I’ve been unsuccessful in trying to convince myself that this law makes sense. On the contrary, I have moved from casual support to stout opposition in 3 days flat.

Somebody please try to convince me otherwise. I’m in the mood for a good debate. In the meantime, I’ll be the guy avidly plucking my nosehairs in traffic…That is, if I’m not busy slamming on my brakes at poorly timed yellow lights that I used to run habitually.

16 thoughts on “New Text Messaging Law: Legislative Projectile Vomit”

  1. I know you are looking for a debate, sorry can’t help you there.
    I happen to agree with you. The cell phone use is going to tick me off however, guess I will save my pennies and buy a hands free device =(
    What are you plucking your nose hair with? I’ll be looking out my office window in anticipation…

  2. For legal reasons this story cannot be expanded on in this venue. But contrary to local lore, there were NO cowboy boots!

  3. This thread was supposed to be about stinkin red light cameras and government minutia. What the hell happened?

    I’ve decided I don’t need an argument. How about comments from other people who also think red light cameras are lame?

  4. Settle down! I will engage you on this topic. I am not upset with the influx of these cameras. As a motorcyclist someone running a red light scares the hell out of me. I have noticed my own actions are different since these lights have become more popular. If these lights stop people from speeding up when you see a yellow light, than I’m all for it. I must admit that when these light where first installed, I received a few tickets. Now getting through that yellow light is not all that important.

  5. It bums me out that I don’t get my free left turn at the end of a green light anymore. You get stuck in the intersection turning left and you’re screwed!

  6. Why don’t people just put down their text messaging devices and pick up a good book? You can read while driving right? I don’t care either way so long as I can masturbate and rock-out to Hannah Montana.

  7. While driving, whatever magazine I happen to be perusing at the time as I’m sipping my coffee and talking on my cell phone AND rockin’ out to Hannah Montana; but I don’t text message. If I’m just sittin’ around at home, then a gym sock, no doubt.

  8. tommyboy: you’ve ruined my whole image of your ‘trot’ through denny’s. it just loses some of it,s charm w/o the cowboy boots which, by the way, i still choose to use in my little image in my little head.

  9. If it helps, they where work boots. And what are you doing reading this smut anyway. What are your thoughts on Red Light Cameras and Hannah Montana?

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